Because nothing says ‘cosmic terror’ like your horoscope deciding to vaporize your friends.
Short Synopsis
When a smug astrologer named Martin Trueman starts giving eerily accurate readings that turn into mind control sessions, Sarah Jane and her team uncover that something far more sinister is at play — an alien entity called the Ancient Lights is trying to realign the universe. Yes, it’s basically “Mercury in retrograde,” but with lasers.
Extended Storyline
We open with a local astrologer, Martin Trueman, performing a live show where he reads audience horoscopes and proves that star signs can indeed predict your life — mostly because he’s being possessed by a glowing alien consciousness. His audience loves him, probably because hypnotic light shows make even bad pseudoscience sound profound. Unfortunately, Trueman’s newfound “talent” is less about self-improvement and more about universal domination.
Back on Bannerman Road, the gang is still adjusting to Rani’s addition to the team. Sarah Jane is busy debunking nonsense on TV (“Astrology is rubbish!” she declares, probably seconds before it tries to eat her), while Clyde and Luke are arguing about whether their signs actually mean anything. It’s a fun, normal day until Luke — the boy literally born in a lab — realizes he doesn’t have a star sign. He’s never been under the influence of the stars, because technically, they weren’t watching when Bane goo invented him.
Naturally, this becomes crucial later.
Trueman’s powers grow quickly. During another show, he summons the Ancient Lights, celestial beings who existed before the Big Bang and really want to reclaim their old cosmic turf. These entities use astrology as their Wi-Fi signal, possessing anyone who falls under the sway of their star sign. Within minutes, Trueman has hypnotized half the local news team, several unlucky audience members, and possibly a few people who were just trying to watch Strictly Come Dancing.
Sarah Jane, ever skeptical, confronts Trueman during one of his grandiose performances. He uses his power to freeze her mid-sentence — which, if you’ve met Sarah Jane Smith, is an achievement in itself. Rani and Clyde get caught in the astral nonsense too, leaving Luke as the only one unaffected. Being star-sign-free finally pays off.
Luke races back to Mr. Smith, who confirms that the Ancient Lights are genuine pre-universe beings trying to rewrite existence in their image — sort of like if your horoscope suddenly became your new religion, except with less spa energy and more annihilation. Trueman, now fully possessed, plans to channel the Ancient Lights through a global television broadcast (because, obviously, the BBC is always up for a bit of cosmic mind control on primetime).
As the broadcast begins, entire crowds start glowing with starlight eyes, marching toward their new astral overlord. Sarah Jane manages to resist just long enough to deliver a withering put-down about Trueman’s hair. Meanwhile, Luke and Clyde sneak into the studio. Luke realizes the Ancient Lights can only act through those “born under the stars,” and since he’s basically a cosmic loophole, he uses himself as a human firewall.
He disrupts the connection, turning the Ancient Lights’ energy back on itself. Trueman, now realizing his “divine destiny” isn’t as glamorous as advertised, chooses to let himself be absorbed into the cosmos — which, on the bright side, probably saves him a fortune in horoscope consultations. The Ancient Lights vanish, leaving the world safe once again.
Back at Bannerman Road, the team celebrates with tea and a healthy dose of skepticism. Sarah Jane admits that while astrology may not be science, there are still “mysteries out there we can’t quite explain.” Clyde immediately promises to read everyone’s horoscopes again, to which Rani politely suggests he shove his star chart where the sun doesn’t shine.